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Submitted on
April 30
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Come child sleep
Sleep easy
Welcome the darkness
Let it devour your heart
You are always alone
Love is a lie
You are destined to die
Alone
At the foot of my throne
Poor child sleep
Sleep easy
The darkness will feast
Feast on your broken heart
Lies are the only way
Hold on to the darkness
Because you’re alone
Love is a lie
You are destined to die
Alone
At the foot of my throne
Deep, deep sleep
You are mine
I devoured your heart
You are always alone
I fed you lies
Now you have died
Alone
Groveling at the foot of my throne
You are mine
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:iconunknownalex:
UnknownAlex Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not bad, but I would have taken it further in one of two directions:
1. The loving mother: Satan takes everyone who fails to go to heaven, so you can use darkness, with sweetness to kinda display your ideas and his/her persuasion.
    Sample: Leave the cruel world's blight / And the garish forsaking light / Embrace the warm of the Inferno / And sleep in peace with the other distressed souls.
(Lol I tried to use this as lyrics to Phantom of the Opera and it fit pretty well)
2. The Ominous Lord: Emphasize his/her cruelty and BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND
    Sample: You are six feet under ground / You hear my raging hounds / Oh, you pitiful fool / Why have you been such a tool? / Now you are under my dominion / With my sadistic, amoral minions / God bless you; you'll need it / As I pry open what's left of your soul and make it lit.
Those are just my ideas, but good job. :)
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:iconennailaughter:
ennailaughter Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you :) I really like the first idea, but the second more fits the kind of poem I wanted. Thanks for commenting something useful, not just "so nice!" or "you have such talent"...I like the improvement suggestions much better lol
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:iconunknownalex:
UnknownAlex Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem! I enjoy writing, too!
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:iconennailaughter:
ennailaughter Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student General Artist
cool! do you have any literature on DA?
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:iconunknownalex:
UnknownAlex Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Why yes. I do write.
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:iconennailaughter:
ennailaughter Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student General Artist
coolio, I will have to check out some of your work :)
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:iconunknownalex:
UnknownAlex Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I hope you like it! :D
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:iconennailaughter:
ennailaughter Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student General Artist
I'm sure I will :)
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:icongivemeyourscars:
givemeyourscars Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, very dark. It's not one of those poems that lie to you and embrace the darkness and then SNAP you're hugging Jesus or something. It's very deep and open for interpretation. I dig it, well done. :)
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:iconennailaughter:
ennailaughter Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student General Artist
thanks :) I prefer to be blunt with my poems, I'm glad you like it
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